swollen guilt

It will be redundant to forlorn and unnecessary at best to feel this way in this very important month of the year. It is February. The month of Love ( yucks) and of course it's the month of my birthday. To feel any emotion that will make me otherwise productive is not inborn though. It is a choice. A disposition.

I have always believed that I am capable. Praises exalted to my presence although unsolicited naturally became a self expectation( naks!) in every moment possible- and I have learned to love it. Not only are they affirmation of what I can do but it is likewise a message and a call for me to do what must be done acquiesce to what I know I am capable of doing.

But despite the will to rise I have always found myself wanting. An inch lacking in thought, perseverance and determination. Maybe perhaps it's because of my complacency- my comfortability. That is to lay confidence over every single plain compliment I receive. Although I deserve them as I am inherently born with so many things to share, I have always procrastinated in utilizing them completely. In being a professional, an aspiring writer, a leader, a student, a son, a debater and a lover I have been careless in knowing how much and how little I should give. These miscalculated acts that I did brought about no less than the consumption of myself. It is such a weakness to rant about erstwhile personal felonies but I should do more of it often and enjoy the guilt that I deserve.

Nonetheless tomorrow, I will wake up still blessed with all the hope and luck that the world can give. I pray that I be guided with wisdom and fortitude to endure. So that, any day will be made to more than just another yesterday that is lost and forgotten because it did not bore seeds that can create bloom for tomorrow-to survive for there will always be reason to live.